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nickiliz
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Name: Nickiliz
Metro:
Birthday: 1/28/1986
Gender: Female
Interests: math education, books, sleep
Expertise: I no longer claim to be an expert at anything.
Occupation: Student
Industry: MATH...for the time being.
Message: message meEmail: email me
Member Since:
2/23/2005
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| Every morning I wake,
wishing, waiting, wondering.
I know not where I am.
Seeing you here,
I am at home in the dark.
Every day I start,
scared, silent, sullen.
I seek strength.
Finding your arms,
I am at home in the dark.
Every minute I press on,
pessimistic, pensive, penitent.
I pray for persuasion.
Hearing your voice,
I am at home in the dark.
Always the dark is closing in,
clamping, constricting, crushing.
I cannot continue alone.
Completing each other,
I am at home in the dark.
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| Many years ago, a person that I have long tried to forget, said to me "The best thing I could ever do is get rid of you." At the time, those words hurt deeply. What could possibly be so bad about me? Over the following years, I have come to realize that the things he hated most about me are the exact things I treasure about myself. This poem is dedicated to him that tried to destroy me and to me for fighting back. The Words Once Spoken
You told me I'm too happy.
You said I feel too much.
You scorned my joyous spirit,
and drug me through the mud. Words spoken with such hatred.
Words spoked, now in vain.
You cruched the beauty in me,
but I have found it all again. Your words now fuel the fire.
They stir my inmost parts.
Without the pain you caused me,
current battles would be lost. Through this you taught me.
Through this I have grown.
I'm finally at peace,
happy to call my soul, my own. | | |
| It has been a long time since I posted, and even then I was vague. I have several original poems that I have debated posting, but most of them are sad and I do not want anyone to read them. Instead I will share my all time favorite poem written by someone else: THE BROKEN HEART.
by John Donne
He is stark mad, whoever says,
That he hath been in love an hour,
Yet not that love so soon decays,
But that it can ten in less space devour ;
Who will believe me, if I swear
That I have had the plague a year?
Who would not laugh at me, if I should say
I saw a flash of powder burn a day?
Ah, what a trifle is a heart,
If once into love's hands it come !
All other griefs allow a part
To other griefs, and ask themselves but some ;
They come to us, but us love draws ;
He swallows us and never chaws ;
By him, as by chain'd shot, whole ranks do die ;
He is the tyrant pike, our hearts the fry.
If 'twere not so, what did become
Of my heart when I first saw thee?
I brought a heart into the room,
But from the room I carried none with me.
If it had gone to thee, I know
Mine would have taught thine heart to show
More pity unto me ; but Love, alas !
At one first blow did shiver it as glass.
Yet nothing can to nothing fall,
Nor any place be empty quite ;
Therefore I think my breast hath all
Those pieces still, though they be not unite ;
And now, as broken glasses show
A hundred lesser faces, so
My rags of heart can like, wish, and adore,
But after one such love, can love no more.
I first read this poems when I was in junior high. Then I did not understand it, but I loved the way it sounded. I still can be caught sitting and reading it over and over aloud to myself. Since the first time I read it, I have secretly longed to know what this poems was really saying. I have read hundreds of papers on this one poem. I have even written a few, but nothing made me feel the depth of this poem as I do now. I have lived for almost 22 years with a grand idea of what love is, or at least what it should be. Until now I thought Donne was being overdramatic. I thought he was talking about an ideal of love that can only exist in the poet's word. This morning in one long embrace, these words flooded my brain. It occured to me that Donne is right! There is a love that breaks the heart so completely that it may never love again. | | |
| So today I had a meeting that might have changed my outlook completely. I met with professors in the Educational Psychology and Curriculum and Instruction departments. I told them my goals and they told me about their respective programs. They were both very informative and helpful. The only trouble is that they encouraged me to persue two Ph.D.s and a masters. Oh the pain and misery in my future...more details to come later. | | |
| Sunday I heard a sermon. I cannot get this message out of my mind. It was one of those times when you sit and wonder, did the pastor read my heart and write this specifically for me? The friend I was sitting with expressed how the message had spoken to him, but I did not let on how deeply it had impacted me. I am not ready to speak specifically about this, but I would use this link to friends to ask for your prayers in this situation. It has been developing for several years and I think I might finally be ready to face it. | | |
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